Just One Breath

An American girl in Scotland, figuring things out one step at a time

The beginning of forever


The morning after the big talk session was slightly uncomfortable. It was like we didn’t know what to do with the information that had been unleashed. We got up and headed to our separate bathrooms to get ready. We only had a few days left in Boston and it was a lovely day so we decided to head out to take more pictures and enjoy the beautiful fall foliage that you get in the North East part of the States. The day was perfect. It was the first day that was not a jumble of messy thoughts crashing around in my head.

The fabulous day of pictures, squirrels eating out of my hands and laughs turned into an even better night. Jamie and I met a friend of mine from high school for dinner and drinks. Keith is just a character and we all had such a laugh. Dinner was great and then we went to Finale for dessert and drinks, that was even better because Keith continued with his stories and memories of us in high school. Jamie was at ease and we all joked and talked for hours. When I walked Keith out of the restaurant he asked me what the deal was with Jamie. I said he was my best friend but we weren’t together as a couple. He gave me a hug and said Jamie was a great guy and I could do a lot worse than him, but not much better.

That evening we were exhausted. We crashed out on my bed and had the TV on something about Gothic cathedrals. We were mostly quiet but then there was a moment when I rolled over to get something off my nightstand and Jamie stroked the small of my back. He was voluntarily touching me and this was totally new. He told me to roll over and I knew he wanted to kiss me. I was suddenly mortified! I told him no but I didn’t know why, I think I was scared. This was going to be a real kiss! After a few more times of him asking me and my refusal he just said sternly, “Heather, roll over.” I couldn’t believe my quiet Jamie, so sweet and timid, was taking charge. This was the thing that had been missing, some strength to do what he wanted to… guts to kiss me when he wanted to. I couldn’t resist. It was the first real kiss we had shared since we were kids in 1996. The kind of kiss that leaves nothing out, nothing wanting and takes your breath away.

Intimate confession coming up… Jamie and I did NOT sleep together that night. We never had in all of our years as friends and that night didn’t seem appropriate to introduce something else new. We had a perfect evening and nothing could shake that. After changing into our night clothes we went to our separate beds and I felt like something was missing. I quietly got up and went over and cuddled into him. I had not had my head on his chest in years. This was my nook… the place I belonged. I kissed him gently and fell asleep in his embrace. All worry and anxiety drained from both of us. We were together and that was all we needed.

The next morning was quiet, had we actually had that time together? Was everything alright? As we were getting ready to leave the hotel room Jamie took me into his arms and kissed me softly. It did feel strange for some reason but not wrong in any way. Maybe we both needed time to process what was finally happening between us. We decided it would be a shopping day and we were going to head back to the mall to get some shirts for Jamie and to play in Tiffany. We had a nice stroll and I felt so much better as we entered the mall this time. As we got on the escalator I turned to look back at Jamie who was on the step below me, making him even with my face, and I followed my gut urge to give him a little kiss. It felt so different. There was no garbage between us it was just a pure sweet moment. It was easy… it was right.

After that little kiss all of the awkwardness seemed to melt away. Jamie was successful in getting some new shirts and I had a great time talking to a shop girl about my friendship/relationship with Jamie. He looked great in everything he tried on. It was amazing how I was looking at him so differently, with the broad shoulders and slim physique it was like he was made to wear the clothes we had him trying on.

In Tiffany we had a great time. We were looking at the diamond rings, not for any other reason than it is fun. There was an amazing salesman, Peter, who was so fabulous and I loved him to bits. He treated us no differently than the rich people who could actually afford the $15,000 diamonds I was trying on. He even pushed me to try on more just to have fun. A time finally came when I drew the line with him though… he wanted me to try on a blue diamond worth $415,000. It was stunning but I didn’t want him go through the trouble of taking it out and having to go into a private room with it. I was completely shocked. I couldn’t imagine something like that on my finger but somehow I could imagine it getting stuck if it was put there. Peter was amazing! A real customer service man. Just lovely! It was the way our Tiffany shops are supposed to be… fun and carefree.

The next few days were much of the same. Taking naps together was something new and quite possibly my favourite thing in the world. Never did our time go back to quiet moments filled with sadness, regret and longing. The quiet moments were filled with peace and happiness… bliss! The day came to say our goodbyes and the day just seemed to slip between our fingers. When we had no more time to waste we went to the valet area to get my car and pick up his van to the airport. We hugged and kissed a little while we waited but when they said it would be 10 minutes they should have said 10 seconds. Before we knew it we were being whisked off to our separate vehicles and I began to feel like I was going to burst. We barely got to say goodbye… I didn’t want to say goodbye! I realized that this was it… this was the moment I knew that I never ever wanted to be without Jamie for the rest of my life. Like some Hollywood drama queen I threw my purse into my car and ran the 100 feet that separated us screaming his name as I ran. I needed him to know… I needed him to know without a doubt that I loved him. As I threw myself into his arms I told him that I loved him and I kissed him without caring at all who saw us or what an idiot I looked like. I knew then the same as I know right this minute… that was the beginning of forever. x heather

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