Just One Breath

An American girl in Scotland, figuring things out one step at a time

The Rough Patch


What to say about my year in Glasgow…1997-1998? It was up and down as most of life’s experiences are. I made some amazing friends with whom I am still close, but I nearly lost the most important one. My year in Glasgow opened up so many doors to new opportunities and experiences. I was incredibly happy at times and felt completely alone at others. I did learn a lot about myself but my relationship with Jamie was smashed to pieces.

This is a year we would both like to forget happened. Our interactions went from awkward to unbearable to nonexistent. It was so painful and we were stupid then, so stupid. Immaturity and ignorance really took its toll on us. We both had a lot to learn and I was being selfish. I wanted to be free to live and make my mistakes. I didn’t want him to be around to watch and get hurt, I really did love him I just didn’t know what that love meant yet. He didn’t know how to express himself when I was there and the frustration got the best of him at times. We both made mistakes but I am the one that pushed him away completely.

When we talk about this year in our history it still hurts me… understatement… crushes me. When I had pushed, and he went, I missed him desperately. I didn’t know how to fix it, I didn’t know what to do so…I sometimes found myself standing under his window just willing myself to ring the bell. I would see his light on and wonder if he missed me as much as I missed him. It turns out that he did. It was like part of me died. As dramatic as it sounds, sometimes there were no more tears. There was a hole where he had been. I missed my best friend and he was right there…right there and I couldn’t be with him. The words had failed us and he was gone.

Excuse me while I get a tissue and a hug.  x heather

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